....katie contacted me. She actually contacted me....
I'm surprised beyond words. Even though its been....
....a while....
Were talking like old friends....its awkward, slightly....but....deservingly so.
I've been thinking a lot about the past...
I miss you Aura.
How do I live like this? When the only real emotions that get brought to the surface are those of remorse, regret, and anger?
Why do I live like this? I only want to be happy....
But for that....i think I need to be alone....
Actually give single life a chance....
I can't dissapear. I'm not strong enough.
I'm such a coward....
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Depression, obsession, secong guessing, psychopathy, and the two stages of a flipping coin.
Though I haven't written in a while, and part of me truly hopes no one reads or pays attention to this in the least, I need to say my piece, speak my mind, and spontaneously possibly destroy everything I've ever built to contain the perilous animousity that continues to grow within me.
My name is Eric Michael Mcglaughlin. I am 21 years old, and my name is Dyne Reign Veilstone. It doesn't sound as nice, but its the name that symbolizes, draws into, and then, in turn with my proving-to-be calculating subconscious, proves to be my alter ego of sorts. Or at least was. We are interchangeable, or identities fluxing and weaving, only to be shredded, and reveal the powerful depths of difference between us. I am... Nothing. Not in a sense of self-worthlessness, but in a sense my emotions consist of very little. Fleeting happiness, consuming rage, all tap onto the corresponding powers that be, but I only truly feel when I am broken. And I have not been broken in a very long time. In fact, just over a year ago I fear is the last time I have, or will ever, feel. I have destroyed, pushed away, and ignored nearly all that truly has ever mattered to me, and I fear I am doing it again. I feel no attraction. No care. No sympathy. No true love, only an endless supply of empathy. A mirror image that suppresses the mask of a human being, for that is all i seem to be. I feel cruel. I feel heartless. To all, to every last one of you that i have wronged, and for what i am.... I'm sorry. I think i mean that at least.
The ramblings of a madman, puppetmaster of his own demise, and the speaker for the darkness that resides in the brightest part of your hearts,
E&D
My name is Eric Michael Mcglaughlin. I am 21 years old, and my name is Dyne Reign Veilstone. It doesn't sound as nice, but its the name that symbolizes, draws into, and then, in turn with my proving-to-be calculating subconscious, proves to be my alter ego of sorts. Or at least was. We are interchangeable, or identities fluxing and weaving, only to be shredded, and reveal the powerful depths of difference between us. I am... Nothing. Not in a sense of self-worthlessness, but in a sense my emotions consist of very little. Fleeting happiness, consuming rage, all tap onto the corresponding powers that be, but I only truly feel when I am broken. And I have not been broken in a very long time. In fact, just over a year ago I fear is the last time I have, or will ever, feel. I have destroyed, pushed away, and ignored nearly all that truly has ever mattered to me, and I fear I am doing it again. I feel no attraction. No care. No sympathy. No true love, only an endless supply of empathy. A mirror image that suppresses the mask of a human being, for that is all i seem to be. I feel cruel. I feel heartless. To all, to every last one of you that i have wronged, and for what i am.... I'm sorry. I think i mean that at least.
The ramblings of a madman, puppetmaster of his own demise, and the speaker for the darkness that resides in the brightest part of your hearts,
E&D
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